The Dilemma of a Working Mom: To Stay Home or Go Back to Work?

Facing the dilemma of being a working mom or staying home? This personal reflection on balancing career and motherhood offers insight into the tough choices all parents make. 

As we ring in the New Year, I find myself filled with a quiet sense of awe as I reflect on the past year, a year brimming with so many firsts. I feel incredibly grateful and truly blessed. In just one year, I went from being a devoted high school teacher to fully embracing my new role as the best mom I can be. I have loved more, smiled more, laughed more, cried more, and most importantly, learned more than I could have ever imagined. 

This time of year typically brings excitement and a renewed sense of hope as we look forward to new beginnings. Yet, this year, there's also an underlying feeling of uncertainty and unease that I can't quite shake. 

January no longer feels like just another month; it feels like a countdown of days slipping away before I have to return to work. While I'm eager to reconnect with my students, I can't help but feel a mix of anticipation and fear as this means I will have to leave my little “cocotte” – my sweet baby girl. 

In these quiet moments, I’m reminded of the precious time I get to spend with my little girl and I try to hold on to these fleeting moments before they slip away.

Knowing I’m Not Alone 

The decision to go back to work (for now) has not been an easy one. For months, my mind has been spinning with thoughts, ideas, lists, and so much more… all as I try to figure out what is truly best for my daughter, for me, for my family, but also for my students. I know I am definitely not alone in this. So many moms, dads, and families are facing the same tough decision—grappling with the reality of leaving their children, whether they want to or not. 

Breaking Down the Dilemma 

Here’s a little background information so you know where I’m coming from: I’m a passionate high school teacher, and if I’m being honest, I tend to be a bit of a workaholic. I absolutely love my job—finding creative ways to engage students, sparking their curiosity, and supporting them in their personal growth. I care deeply about their success, whatever that looks like for each of them. 

Recently, my world shifted in a whole new direction when I became a mother to my wonderful daughter, who is now just over a year old. Although her arrival was a long-awaited dream come true, the experience of becoming a mom was both a shock and a profound transformation. 

What took me by surprise—though, in hindsight, it shouldn't have given my all-or-nothing nature —was how I threw myself into motherhood, determined to do everything "perfectly." I started reading, researching, and having a blast discovering new ways to learn with her. Before I knew it, I had embraced the Montessori philosophy of parenting. 

I knew I wanted her to grow into a confident, independent, strong, and truly kind person, and this desire led me to ask myself one question over and over again: What is best for my Adélina? 

The Growing Dilemma 

What started as a lighthearted conversation about unrealistic dreams soon turned into a real dilemma. For the first time, I found myself seriously contemplating the idea of not returning to work—something I never thought I would even consider. 

Some of the questions that raced through my mind included: 

• Can I truly raise Adélina according to Maria Montessori’s philosophy when there are no Montessori daycares or schools nearby? 

• Should I stay home and become a full-time Montessori guide for my daughter? 

• If I stay home, can we afford it? Could I supplement our income by taking in a few children for care? 

• Could I eventually homeschool and take in other homeschooled students and charge for it to help with our finances? 

• Given my background as a teacher, what additional training would I need to become a qualified Montessori educator? 

• Should I pursue formal credentials and potentially open my own private Montessori school? 

• Am I being selfish for considering leaving my job? 

• What about my current students? Will they be disappointed in my decision? 

• How will my departure impact my coworkers and the students I won’t be able to serve during this teacher shortage (especially since they haven’t been able to replace me during my maternity leave)? 

• Is this the best decision for Adélina? Will she thrive if she stays home with me? Will homeschooling actually work, and what about the social aspect of learning? 

• Am I confident in my ability to teach her and take on full responsibility for her education? 

Each question I asked myself seemed to lead to even more questions. Some days, the possibilities filled me with hope and excitement for a new adventure; other days, doubt and uncertainty weighed heavily on me. I began to realize that doing nothing felt just as scary as doing something, and no matter which path I chose, I would have to find a way to manage the inevitable guilt. 

Seeking Advice and Reflection 

I found myself talking about my dilemma with anyone who would listen—family, friends, coworkers, even strangers, and of course, my therapist. I think part of me was hoping someone would give me the answer I was searching for. But soon, I understood that this was a decision only I could make—though, of course, with the support of my husband. 

I found inspiration in other people’s stories and ultimately made a list of the most important questions to ask myself before making this decision.  

Embracing Change and Moving Forward 

As I sit here writing to you, I’ve made my decision, but these past few months have taught me something incredibly valuable: nothing needs to be forever, and change is always a part of life. Although the decision to return to work might seem straightforward, it's never that simple—at least not for me! I’ll share more about the path I’ve chosen soon, but for now, I want to leave you with this: you're not alone in facing tough decisions like this. 

If you’re grappling with a similar dilemma, I invite you to share your story. Whether you're deciding to stay home with your child, return to work, or follow a completely different path, let’s connect. No matter where you are on your journey, your experience matters, and together, we can support each other in embracing the unknowns with courage and grace. 

Remember, there’s no right or wrong way—only what’s right for you and your family.