Making the Tough Decision : Stay Home or Return to Work? Key Questions to Ask Yourself

Making the decision to return to work or stay at home as a parent is never easy. It’s a choice that many of us face, and it comes with its own set of challenges and emotional hurdles. In my last post, I shared my personal experience of navigating this tough decision. But this time, I want to focus on the important questions that can guide anyone through such a decision-making process.

When you're caught between two paths—going back to your career or staying at home with your children—it can feel like you're drowning in the weight of all the possible outcomes. Should you go back to work because you need the financial stability? Or do you stay home to be with your children during their formative years? These are questions that don’t have easy answers. However, asking yourself the right questions—those that truly reflect your values, priorities, and long-term vision—can help bring clarity and peace of mind as you move forward.

In this post, I’ll share the essential questions I asked myself—and ones that anyone in a similar situation should ask—before making a decision that could shape your future.

Reflecting on the Decision: The Questions I’ve Been Asking Myself

Here are some of the key questions I’ve been reflecting on throughout this tough decision-making process:

1. WHAT IS BEST FOR MY CHILD?

Before Adélina was born, I dreamed of all the ways she’d explore the world and all that I would teach her. Now, as I hold her, my vision for her future is even clearer. I want her to grow up surrounded by love, respect, and trust. But that raises the question: can daycare or preschool offer her the right opportunities for growth, or could I provide all of this for her at home? Will she thrive in a structured environment, or will staying home with me be the better choice? As much as I want to be the one guiding her, I also wonder: Am I enough?

Here are a few questions I ask myself when reflecting on what’s best for Adélina:

• Will she thrive at home with me, or does she need structured care with peers?

• How will her development be impacted if I stay home with her versus going back to work?

• What’s the quality of care at potential daycare centers or with a nanny? How can I ensure she’s in a safe, nurturing environment?

• Is the daycare option I’ve found the best for her, or is it just a solution because of the shortage?

  
  

The daycare shortage has made this process challenging. Despite being on every waitlist, it wasn’t until just before Christmas that I found a spot for Adélina (best Christmas gift ever!). I’m extremely grateful, but it’s a tough reality when finding the best care feels like a struggle.

2. WHAT DO I WANT FOR MYSELF?

This question has been a big one. I absolutely love teaching. It’s more than a job—it’s a calling. I care deeply about my “kids” (my students), and I thrive on the creativity and challenge of teaching. But I also know that being a parent requires me to be fulfilled in my own life. Can I balance both? Can I still feel like myself while giving Adélina the attention she deserves? As I thought about staying home with Adélina, I wondered: Will I be enough? Will I still feel fulfilled?

These questions led me to reflect on how important ones career can be to ones sense of self and well being and therefore here are some questions I’d encourage you to think about:

• Do I feel fulfilled in my career? How important is my job to my sense of identity?

• Can I find balance between my career and my role as a parent?

• Am I ready to step back from work, or do I fear I’ll miss my professional life?

• Is a more flexible, part-time option a better alternative for me?

  
  

I’ve come to realize that I can still experience fulfillment—it just may look different, with my focus shifting to a new “student” in Adélina.

3. WHAT ARE MY FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS?

This is a huge part of the decision for many parents. The financial impact of staying home versus returning to work can be overwhelming. I’m someone who stresses about money, so I couldn’t ignore the reality of living on a single income. How would we manage? Could we live comfortably? Or would we just be getting by? We’ve always planned for a comfortable life, but the reality is that if I stay home, we would have to make adjustments. It also made me question: Is being home with Adélina every day worth more than material things or experiences? What about our long-term financial goals, like saving for retirement and our children's education?

Here are some financial considerations to reflect on:

• Can we afford to live on one income, or would I need to go back to work to meet our financial obligations?

• Will we still be able to save for the future, especially retirement and our children’s education?

• Would we still be able to afford the life we want for our child (experiences, activities, trips, sports, etc.) (Where do our priorities lie?)

• How do the costs of childcare impact our budget, and does it make sense for me to return to work?

• Would the cost of childcare outweigh the benefits of returning to work?

  
  

I have to admit, the financial side of staying home has been one of the toughest things to navigate. It’s a constant balance between being with Adélina every day and the reality of saving for the future and being able to offer our daughter a specific kind of life.

4. HOW WILL THIS AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARTNER?

Making this decision isn't just about me—it’s about us, as a family. My husband and I have been discussing the impact of this choice on our family dynamic. I’m fortunate to have a partner who supports me, but this decision still requires careful consideration. If I stay home, he’ll be the sole provider, which puts a lot of pressure on him. If I return to work, we need to ensure we can share responsibilities, from childcare to household chores, in a way that works for both of us.

Here are some important questions to consider:

• How will this decision impact our family dynamic?

• Are my partner and I on the same page, and how can we support each other through this process?

• Do we have a clear plan to divide responsibilities at home, regardless of my decision?

  
  

My husband is incredibly supportive (which did not necessarily make the decision process any easier, but I wouldn’t have it any other way). He loves to cook, which makes the thought of returning to work more manageable. But he works on a rotating schedule—one week on, one week off—so when he’s home, he helps with Adélina a lot, giving me extra time to catch up on work. But even with this support, the challenge of balancing work and home life remains.

5. WHAT ARE THE LONG-TERM IMPLICATIONS?

Of course, I had to consider the long-term impact of staying home versus going back to work. Time flies, and while I want to cherish these early years with Adélina, I also know that eventually she’ll be off to high school and beyond. What then? How will this decision affect my career trajectory? Will I be able to re-enter the workforce later, or will staying home limit my professional growth? Trust me, I’ve thought about this seriously which is partly why I am writing this today.

Here are some long-term questions that might help clarify your decision:

• How will staying home or returning to work affect my career trajectory in the long term?

• Will staying home limit my professional growth, or will I be able to return to the workforce later if needed?

• How will this decision impact my mental and emotional well-being in the future?

• Is there a way I can stay connected to my field so that my resume remains relevant?

  
  

Both staying home and returning to work come with meaningful consequences, both positive and negative. As I reflected on how each choice might impact my future, I knew I would need to take steps to stay connected to my field. However, hearing stories from other teachers who have successfully navigated both staying home and returning to work did reassure me.

6. HOW WILL I HANDLE GUILT?

Guilt is inevitable, no matter what I choose. Since I began considering staying home, I’ve been weighed down by the guilt of either leaving my child for the day or stepping away from my students, future students, and colleagues. But it’s not just the guilt I feel now—it’s the fear of future regret. What if I make the wrong choice? Will I look back and wish I’d chosen differently? These questions are hard to shake, and I’m sure many of you feel the same way.

Here are some guilt-related questions I’ve been grappling with:

• Will I feel guilty for leaving my child in someone else’s care, or will I feel guilty if I don’t return to work?

• How can I balance my desire to be a present parent with my professional aspirations?

• How do I navigate the judgment I might face from others for either choice?

• How do I handle the potential guilt of regretting my decision?

No matter which path I choose, I know there will be times when I question: Did I make the right choice? I understand that these doubts are natural. I know that I have to acknowledge these feelings, but I also know I can't let them dictate my peace of mind. I can make a decision today and revisit it later if necessary. What’s most important is that I trust I did what was best for us at this moment.

7. WHAT IS THE IMPACT ON MY TIME AND ENERGY?

Weighing the pros and cons of staying home versus returning to work, I had to consider how each option would impact my time and energy. As a teacher, I’m used to spending countless hours outside of the classroom crafting lesson plans, grading, and more. To be fully present for Adélina, I knew things would need to change. If I took on staying home full-time, potentially homeschooling, that same level of time and energy would be required to create her learning activities and schedule. This is something I’m passionate about, but it also means I’d have to find balance. Most importantly, I wondered whether I’d have time for myself to recharge so I could be the best for Adélina.

Here are some important questions about time and energy:

• Will I have enough energy to be fully present for my family if I go back to work?

• How can I manage the demands of both work and home life without burning out?

• Can I find a way to maintain some personal time for myself while managing both roles?

• If I stay home, will I have time for myself to reset so I can have the proper energy to be the best parent/teacher/guide for my child?

  
  

I’ve realized that if I don’t make time to recharge, I won’t have the energy to be the best version of myself for Adélina or for my career, so that balance is something I must prioritize moving forward.

8. WHAT ARE THE SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL IMPLICATIONS?

Lastly, the social and emotional aspects of this decision are crucial to consider. I’ve always valued community, and the idea of losing professional relationships—really, friendships—has been a significant concern for me. I also recognize that staying home could sometimes feel isolating, so ensuring I have a solid support system in place is essential.

Here are a few key social and emotional questions to reflect on:

• How will my relationships with other parents or friends change if I stay at home or return to work?

• How important is it for me to connect with a community of other working or stay-at-home parents?

• How will this decision affect my sense of self and mental well-being?

• Do I have the support system I need to navigate this transition?

  
  

Reflecting on these questions helped me realize the incredible relationships I have in my life—longtime friendships, bonds with co-workers, and new connections with other moms. No matter whether I decide to return to work or stay home, I knew I wanted to make sure I set aside time to prioritize and nurture these important friendships.

It’s Okay Not to Have All the Answers: Trust Your Path and Do What is Right for You

Reflecting on all of these questions is not easy. At times, I had to stop and breathe, overwhelmed by the weight of these questions. Ultimately, there’s no “right” answer when it comes to this decision. It’s a deeply personal choice, and no one can tell you what’s best for you and your family. These are the questions I’ve been asking myself to help guide my journey, and I hope by sharing them, you’ll feel less alone in your own process.

I still don’t have all the answers, and I’m learning to embrace the change as it comes. If you’re facing a similar dilemma, know that it’s okay to take your time and figure out what works best for you. Whether you choose to stay home or return to work, or do something completely different, what matters most is that you’re making the choice that feels right for your family.